I was looking through an old pinterest board recently of about 500 parenting articles. It seemed to cover everything you could imagine. But there wasn’t a single article about how to be a better mother to baby who’s died. After seeing multiple titles about ways to better connect with your children, I was really wishing there was one article out there that applied to me. So I’m writing one.
Archives for August 2015
Last night I found myself awake and anxious at 2 am. Out of a mix of motives that was about 60% guilt, 30% habit, and 10% faith, I opened my scriptures with the intention of reading a couple verses before bed. I opened to the part of the Book of Mormon where the Jaredites are leaving for the promised land (America).
13 And now I proceed with my record; for behold, it came to pass that the Lord did bring Jared and his brethren forth even to that great sea which divideth the lands. And as they came to the sea they pitched their tents; and they called the name of the place Moriancumer; and they dwelt in tents, and dwelt in tents upon the seashore for the space of four years.
14 And it came to pass at the end of four years that the Lord came again unto the brother of Jared, and stood in a cloud and talked with him. And for the space of three hours did the Lord talk with the brother of Jared, and chastened him because he remembered not to call upon the name of the Lord.
15 And the brother of Jared repented of the evil which he had done, and did call upon the name of the Lord for his brethren who were with him. And the Lord said unto him: I will forgive thee and thy brethren of their sins; but thou shalt not sin any more, for ye shall remember that my Spirit will not always strive with man; wherefore, if ye will sin until ye are fully ripe ye shall be cut off from the presence of the Lord. And these are my thoughts upon the land which I shall give you for your inheritance; for it shall be a land choice above all other lands. (Ether 2:13-15)
And my first thought was, “It must have sucked to be camping on the beach for four years.”Read More
People always talk about how being a parent means sacrificing for your children. I sometimes feel real comfort from that because I feel like the only thing I’ve been allowed to do for my son is sacrifice.
I sacrificed the time I spent being pregnant. I sacrificed my body by giving birth to him. I sacrificed my innocence by being there for him after his death.
But there’s one sacrifice that I still struggle to give.Read More
I’m proud of my family.
There was a time, as embarrassing as this is to admit, when I thought of pregnancy as a race. What’s even more embarrassing is that time wasn’t that long ago. But I didn’t necessarily feel rushed because of outside pressure quite so much as my own expectations of what was fair. I knew I wanted a baby. I had always wanted a baby. I knew I wanted a baby more than her. And therefore, the universe should prove it by giving me a baby first. I wanted the world to see how much I wanted this baby by me popping one out at the first possible opportunity.
Pretty flawed thinking.