I’ve had a lot of people over the past few months tell me that I’m strong or brave. I appreciate the compliment, and I would like to be both of those things, and I honestly even sometimes feel that I am, but every time I hear that I feel unworthy of the praise. I’ve had people tell me, “I could never do that.” And part of me always wonders what they’re talking about that I’ve done that they couldn’t do. Lose a child? Because the truth is I couldn’t either, but what choice did I have?
I’m just trying to survive, just like everyone else. Losing my son… That’s just my life. I don’t get to choose how much of it to tackle each day. It’s just there, waiting. There is no way but through.
The real strong ones are each of you. You, who are willing to step into my life for a moment even though you don’t have to. You, who say Liam’s name. Who offer condolences in public. Who ask how I’m really doing. Even just the fact that you continue to read this blog, even though it’s not the feel-good blog of the year. You don’t have to be here. And yet you are. Thank you.
You cannot know how much it means to me. I know it’s scary. I know it’s heartbreaking. I know it makes you uncomfortable. And I know you feel like you are taking a risk with every word you say.
So thank you. Thank you for stopping me to tell me you heard about my baby. Thank you for asking how it happened and what my birth was like. Thank you for allowing me to start sentences with, “When I was pregnant” without it suddenly becoming awkward or morbid. Thank you for letting me know I’m still loved and accepted in this world even though it all seems to have changed on me. Thank you for letting me know that part doesn’t change.
Thank you. Please, keep it up. I need friends like you.